Paparazzi!!!

So the media/press has got to be the most annoying thing ever. Just think about what it would be like to have random people, that you have had no acquaintance with what so ever, digging threw your trash and following you every where you go... Everywhere. I'd figure that after a while you would want to either punch someone in the face or hide out for a while. the only problem with that is that the press would be all over you and even though you are trying to hide everyone would know where you are and the situation would become calcified as a hostage situation or kidnap. Then swat would come knock down your door and and ruin any since of alone time that you had going for you. That is why the paparazzi should lay off.

How it's done

River currents aren't supernatural or happenings that can only be explained be "nature". It actually has an easy explanation. If you were to follow the river to the end (upstream). You would find a herd of caffeine crazed beavers. The caffeine comes from a local soda factory and they spill the waste into the river. The reason the river isn't soda filled when it gets to you is because the beavers drink it all up. This is what creates the rivers current. They're swimming up stream to drink this caffeine filled soda and the back draft (via water) is the current that you get down stream. NOW YOU KNOW! ( props to bill nye the science guy )